i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
