Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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