you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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