she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We left the knife in your bed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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