My room smells like vodka and shame
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
