I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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