What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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