im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
