It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
