Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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