his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you traded sex for a burrito?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
