O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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