man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just had sex on a roof
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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