after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
