Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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