i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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