i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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