Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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