My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
