i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
