how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right