You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.