Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like

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  (781): At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like http://tfl.nu/8q6a
  Replies (18) Good night (1575) Bad night (4921)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.

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  (240): I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it. http://tfl.nu/okvp
  Replies (4) Good night (4534) Bad night (1009)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.

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  (336): I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable. http://tfl.nu/7b9p
  Replies (12) Good night (3435) Bad night (1580)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

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  (541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets... http://tfl.nu/jeys
  Replies (28) Good night (6836) Bad night (1805)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"

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  (432): Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat" http://tfl.nu/ofhr
  Replies (20) Good night (9433) Bad night (1107)
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  (951): View more from California

  At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?

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  (951): At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate? http://tfl.nu/y4sj
  Replies (18) Good night (4948) Bad night (1106)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.

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  (864): Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot. http://tfl.nu/kmo6
  Replies (8) Good night (4098) Bad night (756)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??

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  (513): How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last?? http://tfl.nu/wkzl
  Replies (9) Good night (1022) Bad night (2787)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.

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  (812): Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet. http://tfl.nu/ytjh
  Replies (7) Good night (1210) Bad night (1725)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.

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  (512): I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters. http://tfl.nu/dc1b
  Replies (1) Good night (1128) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.

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  (734): The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake. http://tfl.nu/3nh1
  Replies (2) Good night (1127) Bad night (708)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Already at 3 and it's not even noon.

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  (616): I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today. (616): Already at 3 and it's not even noon. http://tfl.nu/7ttt
  Replies (6) Good night (1402) Bad night (594)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.

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  (832): The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded. http://tfl.nu/wqyp
  Replies (1) Good night (644) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.

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  (651): I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game. http://tfl.nu/npvh
  Replies (2) Good night (1197) Bad night (339)
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  (408): View more from California

  You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt

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  (408): You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt http://tfl.nu/y49e
  Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (276)

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