Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is. http://tfl.nu/r3y5
  Replies (8) Good night (904) Bad night (1520)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later http://tfl.nu/a02r
  Replies (26) Good night (7699) Bad night (2054)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated. http://tfl.nu/qt45
  Replies (32) Good night (846) Bad night (9065)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife. http://tfl.nu/kzgo
  Replies (5) Good night (1616) Bad night (5928)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you. http://tfl.nu/a48g
  Replies (14) Good night (5571) Bad night (2194)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me. http://tfl.nu/tnbf
  Replies (9) Good night (4002) Bad night (1124)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there. http://tfl.nu/ct1u
  Replies (4) Good night (853) Bad night (2172)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof http://tfl.nu/eyc5
  Replies (7) Good night (2597) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night http://tfl.nu/xeqd
  Replies (19) Good night (1930) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas! http://tfl.nu/ak8o
  Replies (1) Good night (1166) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar. http://tfl.nu/i0ni
  Replies (16) Good night (3266) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (431): View more from

  Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (431): Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches. http://tfl.nu/58c6
  Replies (5) Good night (1742) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high. http://tfl.nu/9q6n
  Replies (3) Good night (1084) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well. http://tfl.nu/cgxn
  Replies (5) Good night (380) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding. http://tfl.nu/brfz
  Replies (2) Good night (590) Bad night (293)

Randomize