they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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