I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard