we're blogging at a bar
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You can't motorboat a personality
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan