3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.