I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.