I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
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finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.