my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.