Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
His nipple licking is glorious
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