Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize