I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
