Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
