Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize