just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
