the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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