Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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