I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
