why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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