Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
