I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
