I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
