I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize