dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
