ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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