new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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