i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
