Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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