I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
