Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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