____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
