where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so explain again why im purple
no
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
