I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize