I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
