so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
