my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
