Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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