I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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