It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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