You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.