Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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