I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
