i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
