Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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