note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
