i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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